Journal of a 4-track mind.

Long day

Thus began my 24-hr work day. A team meeting at New World Hotel in Makati at 9 AM till 6 PM, then work at 8 PM till 5 in the morning. I can't say that I'm going to be awake the whole of the night, but I will try. "Best effort," in the words of my boss. BullSHIT, in my own words. No overtime pay for the meeting (on a declared holiday at that). Just a half-hearted offer for us to work from home. Thank you, but no thanks. I'm fine with working in the office. No need to give you and management and excuse to say I slack off.

12 hours to go...zzz.

I need you here tonight

But I need you here tonight
I need you deep inside
I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here.

I've been listening to Hale's Here Tonight for hours on hours now, trying to let these words sink in. It's hard missing someone this much. Even harder that you see each other at least once a week, and keep in constant telephonic touch, and you still miss her. It's not the company I miss, it's deeper than that. What's been beautiful about our relationship is that we were friends first, and baby I miss that. That's why I've been depressed at times. I miss talking, really talking, not just about how work was such a pain or how tired we both are and need sleep -- that's for mundane married relationships. We're barely three months together and I get the feeling that there's so much we want to talk about yet we're not talking.

I miss hugging you. I miss holding your hand. I miss looking into your eyes just because I enjoy melting into them. In your eyes I see everything. But lately, I see them gazing far from where we are.

I feel like we're together yet we are not. It's the worst feeling in the world, not knowing where you are, feeling like you're missing something. And I feel I really am. I just wish you'd say something. And I wish I also could.

URTI

That's what I've been sick of for the last week and a half now... kept me out of work for 5 days. That means no pay for me for 5 days. Damn. That's gonna leave a mark, or more appropriately, leave my wallet a bit lighter. DAMN =(

In case you're wondering what URTI is, it stands for Upper Respiratory Tract Infection. It seems I have the extreme kind (the adjective acute is kinda misleading). Doctor says it's a common sickness specially during the rainy season. Great. The one fad I didn't want to get into eats me whole.

Being sick kinda gets me depressed, coz everybody else is at work or where ever, and I'm left alone at home to watch TV or sleep. I'm supposed to be a loner who craves for moments of solitude, but something about being alone and physically ill carves my face the wrong way.

Well, I guess I had this coming. Night shift will never be normal for me, and my body's saying "Now look what you've gotten yourself into."

Ah-choo.

Mood: Slightly depressed
Music: Hale - Here Tonight

And suddenly I had the urge to post...

...a new blog entry. Well, to inform those of little knowledge of how I work these stuff, I'm not the type who updates every day. Hence, journal. Not diary. And sometimes life seems too uneventful to make some hour-long preparation for a blog entry (how utterly cynical of me).

Actually, I'm not like that. I actually really like writing things down. But somehow I've lost the will to write and write and write, and all I want to say seems to be bottled up inside, sometimes tipping the balance of my sanity dangerously close to below normal societal standards. See? I can turn a phrase or two :)

Who knows when my next blog entry will come? Tomorrow? Later today? Next week? I don't even know myself. Sometimes I try to obligate myself to posting daily entries, but it's just not worth it for me. Most of what life offers for me, I'd like to enjoy privately. Of course there are those moments that are meant to be shared, but the rest of the world will just have to wait.

Feeling: a bit hungry
Music: Hale - The Day You Said Goodbye

Playing Catch Up

I haven't really posted anything here for more than a week now, coz I kinda got excited over the knew Yahoo 360 bit (if you need an invite let me know, and give me you're email address). And well, I was over there getting used to working it when I noticed that it was, well, quieter over there than here. So I figured I move some posts I did for 360 and update here. I still intend to keep that 360 account though, coz it is Yahoo!, after all. How can you go wrong? Maybe that place will liven up as soon as it moves out of beta phase. I mean, that's how friendster worked anyway.

Enough rambling. Good evening one and all!

Mood: Cruising.
Music: The Shins - Kissing the Lipless (lesser known music is still the best in my book)

April 05 2005

 Ordinary day. Slept, woke up, played a little Fight Night Round 2, went to work. Now I am just waiting for updates to come my way so I can do my job. Last weekend the most bizaare accident happened to our data center in Ohio -- everything got wet because of severe storms and strong winds. Though I can't figure out if that's supposed to happen to a data center. They're supposed to be places with the highest security, data protection, and all measures to prevent everything from dust to air to water from entering. Really weird. Now our company is losing millions of dollars by the day as we continue to do data recovery and auditing. Work we're really not supposed to be doing in the first place. I mean, HOW can that happen to an NOC? A center data center? HOW THE HECK DOES IT GET WET? Unless somebody purposely threw a bucket of water over everything, maybe even peed on the whole machine...

Oh well. Shit happens. Right now I'm just waiting for the bomb to drop (Audit all the data transactions that occurred over the crisis period). I'm just chilling right now. Eating sotanghon and my staple Apple Berry Juice Freeze.

And by the way, that's a picture of my girlfriend. Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?

Long Weekend

The weekend is over. Too bad. That was probably the longest weekend I've had in a long time (I've been working overtime on weekends the last few months and I've only had one day off from work. Not too tiring, but still, I'd rather have that extra day off.)

Spent time with the girlfriend, played both badminton and basketball (I should note that basketball and badminton are NOT compatible... I was way short of breath playing basketball, and getting used to holding a badminton raquet did terrible things for my outside shooting.), slept, and made peace with the playstation at home. I was also able to jam with my (currently) makeshift band of roommates  at home. It felt pretty good to be able to make music again. We're no Grammy winning combo, but I think we're pretty good. I'm strongly contemplating getting voice lessons to finetune it.

And I must not fail to mention that the Pope just died at age 84. Complications from UTI (Urinary Track Infection). This really made me sad somehow. He was my pope, you know. He reached out to me in a personal kind of way. One way or the other, I  found inspiration from him. He's surely wathching out over us from the sky now. God bless you Pope. Thank you.

Mood: Apprehensive (never fails every start of  the week)
Music: Incubus -  Pardon Me, Warning (our recorded versions. Hehe *)

Sin City

Sin City

 

THE Movie of the Year.

I've waited so long for this movie to come out, and now I have to what at least 2 more weeks. Sheesh. Commercialism at its finest. Sin City, the star-studded affair directed by the comic's creator Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez, and guest directed by Quentin Tarantino, is my film to watch. NEVER will I miss this film. This, I think, is the best comic book-to-movie screen adaptation ever. The attention to detail and its faithfulness to the comic book is way WAY beautiful from the still and trailers that I've seen so far.

The movie is scheduled for worlwide release April 1, which, again, will be delayed in the Philippines (April 15). But I will wait. This  is worth it.

I will be first in line. And last to leave the theater.

Spoilers here and here and here.

Mood: Giddy
Music: The Wallflowers - One Headlight (college nostalgia)

I Want to Shoot Down the Sun

Right now I want to break my Sun Cellular simcard into many tiny pieces using my bare fingers, a hammer, and a really big rock. Just this afternoon, without doing anything (I slept through the whole "incident"), my simcard was rendered Inactive. Just like that. With no obvious reason.

I just knew one way or another JG would mess up something this good. I mean, if they'd only focus on making Sun Cellular a BETTER network (right now it's just mud in Globe and Smart's windshield. Nothing their high-powered wipers can't brush off). If they can only do something about the realization that ther Sun 24/7 service is the next big thing.

Right now all they seem to be doing is pissing more and more people off. I am unwillingly part of that statistic, and I still want to give them a chance. Right now, I just want the service back. I want my sim active again. If it's bust, they gotta replace it... and they'd better let me keep my number, else some SUN prick is gonna get it. Headlock.

Mood: Between calm and pissed to high heavens
Music: Currently not in the mood to listen to any, but for the sake of it, probably some stuff with a lot of cussing in it.

Of Being Invisible

The background somehow always seems appealing to me. Being part of a faceless crowd, being a statistic that can't even bend an equation one way.

I have always been akin to fading into the landscape every now and then, much to people's chagrin. But I have been misunderstood before. It's not that I am anti-social. It's not that I am unfriendly or shy (which is more often the case... shy, I mean.). It's more towards the feeling of being in control of my destiny rather than intertwining it with the fates and responsibilities of others, thus pissing them off for more than their troubles' worth. I believe everybody needs time off. From work, from play, from relationships, etc. And why not from people? Everyday we're surrounded by each other, that our elbows are raw from rubbing with the person next to you.

Sometimes I need to be alone. Sometimes I hide out on the rooftop, lying down with my eyes closed, earphones jacked in, and just forget about the world for a few minutes. It always does me good. It's made me a very secure person, much surer of myself, and a bit more privy to who I really am.

That's why sometimes I just really need to disappear.

Mood: Sleepy
Music: Naruto - OST (Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!)